Chump Rants

Hi Dudes!


Welcome back and welcome to the first installment of Chad Rants (or Chump Rants).  Some of you have heard of Zero-to-Mad, or Zero-to-Chad.  It is basically when something sets the kid off.


Chump Rants are my way of dealing with some of these issues in a more constructive way.

For example - I don't like radio commercials with some local business owner's kid on it.  You may think it is cute, but I can't understand a wowd your kid is saying.  Yeah, it's WORD not wowd.  What is cute to you, is insanely irritating to me. "My daddy can fix yo cumputer".  Really?  Can he?  Because he can't seem to teach his beloved child to speak clearly.  Maybe daddy should spend less time on the computer and more time bonding with his son.  Does he really think that people will be driving in their cars and call him after listening to his dumb-ass kid?  Maybe.  But only because I feel sorry for his special needs kid and want to throw a little money his way.  Pitch me your product like a man and move on.

So how was your day lil fellas?  While Chris is slowly falling apart, I am on fire.  There's a new sheriff in town...and it's me.  Holla! 


Bix @ 6 is tomorrow and Brooks will be on the sideline.  Maybe he can carry my bags for me while I crush the course?  For Realz!


-Chump out

A tale of 2 chumps

Hi Dudes!


Welcome to my 21st blog post.  Does that mean my blog can drink now?  Holla!


Some of you have asked about my diet plan.  Some of you are not familiar with "The Tale of two Chads",  it was a lesser known Charles Dickens novel.  Let me illustrate.


The top picture is me a couple of years ago.  The bottom picture, well that that's me on the right, chillin at my class reunion.

Yeah, I know.  That is for REALZ!


But all of that is history.  I will be rollin at 170 before you can say...HOLLA!


Okay, enough about that.  People have been calling me "Chump" since college.  But what does "Chump" really mean?


Glad you asked...here are seven definitions and examples;

	1) Someone who does not understand the basics of life on earth. confused easily. 'My friend Chad is such a chump. He talks a lot but nothing of any relevance comes out. In fact he is a world champion chump'.
	2)  A sucka that tries to act cool, but is really a fool and tries to act tough, but really isn't a.Person who says they have a million dollars but is really poor. b.Person who says they kill you with a gun, but the only gun they have is a plastic one.
	3)  A stupid or gullible person You chumps don't have a clue what this guy is up to.
	4)  Pathetic character who is often reminded of his (guys are labeled as chumps far more than girls) shortcomings by superiors. Synonymous with 'loser'
	5)  An individual who appears unattractive to the opposite sex and contains no social skills to mitigate the handicap. Contrarily the "Chump" reveres them self as a superior in all situations without any basis for this status. 6) Predominantly male social outcast Joe: "How was the bar last night? any luck with the ladies?" Chad: "Everybody wanted me, but I decided to come home and get the worlds highest score on Call of Duty instead." Joe:  Dude, you re a Chump
	7) A person who is being unnecessarily condescending or disdainful, often because of their own internalized judgmental opinions. I'd like a new name...for REALZ!

Des Moines in the house

Hi Dudes!

What's up lil fellas?  The kid is back in Davenport and ready for another week of 11000111000111.  Binary ROCKS!

Is it odd that my bicycle weighs more than my car?  I think my car gets better gas millage too.  ...and don't call me Surly.

Speaking of weight...the kid is at 185 L-Bs!  Holla!  As you readers know it took forevs to get from 220 to 200.  The last 15 have come off really quickly.  Look out ladies, pretty soon it will be time to rock out with my gock out.

As that great "Bump N' Grind" song by R KELLY goes: "My mind is telling me no but my body my body's telling me yes I...I don't see nothing wrong with a little chump and grind." 


-Chump oot

Bix @ 6

Hi Dudes!

Remind me not to make fun of Besser on this blog.  He destroyed the kid...for realz!  We hammered through the Bix route at 7:11 pace.  What is a near death experience?

Bonus - I found an IPod Shuffle.  Biggity Bamm!  Holla!  If you lost your I Pod Shuffle on the Bix route I'm sure it wasnt the same one I found.  Unless you love Barry Manilow, this probably isn't your I Pod.

"Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl
With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there
She would merengue and do the cha-cha
And while she tried to be a star, Tony always tended bar
Across the crowded floor, they worked from eight til four
They were young and they had each other
Who could ask for more?
At the Copa, (Co) Copacabana (Copacabana)
The hottest spot north of Havana, (here)
At the Copa, (Co) Copacabana (Copacabana)
Music and passion were always the fashionAt the Copa .... they fell in love"

Okay, for REALZ.  Who can run to this?  Were they out of Frankie Valli or the Carpenters?  And I thought Brooks was a nerd.  He has just been out nerded.  Congrats mystery nerd Bix @ 6 runner.  You don't deserve to have an I Pod Shuffle anyway.  The music Karma God's stole it from you and gave it to me.  I can't wait to load my one word techno beats...oop pst, oop pst, bam.  Maybe a little "Oops I did it again!"?

Doesn't matter what I load...it will rock the hell out of COPA, COPACABANA.  I'd like to buy a vowel please.

- Chump out

USA

Hi Dudes!

The US won in soccer today...holla!  And an American is tied in the 5th set of Wimbledon at 59-59.  Over 9 hours in one tennis match.  Go USA!  The kid is fired up about America tonight.


I am wicked tired tonight homes.

I'ma get-get-get-get you drunk
get you love drunk off my chump


For Realz!

What a weekend Forest Chumpmiles. .

Hi Dudes!

"Aint no party like a Run Chump party, cause a Run Chump party doesn't stop."  For REALZ.

Oh man, where to start?  I had such a crazy Chumptastic weekend...it was just sick.  Actually I was just sick.  Sick as in "ill" not "phat".

I ran 9 on Saturday and 10 miles on Sunday.  It felt pretty good.  It would have been a lot better if Besser hadn't run (ran / run?) with me.  Better - Besser...get it?  No?  Yur dumb.

Guess what?  CHUMP is not only my second given name, it is also a computer language.  I know, right.

Below are descriptions of a STUMP (little 16 bit RISC) written in CHUMP.

(isa "STUMP16"  ; STUMP is a simple 16bit processor (C) Andrew Bardsley

                 ; Use this description to learn chump

                 ; This is not a good tutorial but you can get the basics

                 ; Firstly the basics:

                 ; The following is the correct syntax to describe a translation

                 ; (("Disasambled descrption")(Assambled description))

                 ; disassamled description is simply a string or set of strings

                 ; Assembled description is a set of bits I (always on),O (always off),

                 ;      X (dontcare but set as on),Z (dontcare but set as off)

                 ; Be careful, I and O are LETTERS. The parser will complain if it doesnt understand.

                 ; e.g. 1 :   (("R3")(OII)) - matches 011 to "R3"

                 ;                              and "R3" to 011

                 ; e.g. 2 :   (("BR")(OZX)) - matches 000, 001, 010 or 011 to "BR"

                 ;                              and "BR" to 001

                 ; e.g. 3 :   (("PC")(III))

Is there a language called "Chris"?  Yeah, I didn't think so.  I win.

Bix @ 6

Hi Dudes!

The first Bix @ 6 was Thursday.  Me + me sick + 95 degree weather + bix @ 6 +Brady street = death.  For realz!  The kid was struggling.  What is no relief?

I almost didn't run, but it's Bix @ 6 brother.  You gotta run that.  It might be hard to tell, but that is me in the picture.  Rockin it shirtless style cause I am a gangsta.  "G" is for gangsta!

What did I run it in.  Who really knows?  I think I eeked out a 56 minute effort.  Not bad.  Not bad because that is awesome! 

- Chump around, chump around, chump up chump up and git down, chump around.

-Chump out

What are you looking at?

First of all, I'm not bald, I'm just big foreheaded.  Maybe if I grow my hair out long enough, no one will notice?  Ninth of all you are all haters and jealous.  You need to respect The Chad.


Hi Dudes!  What is up?  Who likes soccer?  Four of you like soccer?  Well four of you are in for a real treat then.  I am going to write the rest of this post in South African.  For Realz!


Oooh, check that.  Turns out English is not the most common language.  Zulu (24 percent speak Zulu at home), followed by Xhosa (18 percent), and Afrikaans (13 percent). English is only the sixth-most common home language in the country.  Boo.


But, here are some common Zulu phrases you can yell at the TV during World Cup -


Cheers/Good health!    =                                Impilontle! Akubekuhle!
Call the police!             =                                Biza amaphoyisa!
This gentleman lady will pay for everything  =  Inenekazi lizokhokha konke
My hovercraft is full of eels   =                        Umkhumbi wami ugcwele ngenyoka zemanzini
I feel sick  =                                                   Ngiyagula.
I need a doctor  =                                          Ngidinga udokotela

Okay, maybe you wouldn't yell that at the TV, but you try and find useful TV / World Cup / funny / Zulu phrases you jerks.


What is no Zulu?!

Okay, back to running.  I came, I ran, I kicked a$$.  That treadmill didn't know what hit it.  But I know.  It was me, and I destroyed that treadmill.  For realz!  Check it out. 


That's right...I ran the tread right off the mill.  How's that taste treadmill.  Who's calling the shots now?


- Chad out

In the 190s

Dam-to-Dam-to-Dam-T-Dam-Ditty-Ditty  A little Kid Rock for you, Dam to Dam style.

So, I'm under 200 pounds still and dropping.  Today I am sitting at 195.  Holla!  It took the kid forevs to get under two bills.  The upsetting thing is that Jillian Michaels says my reasonable weight is between 129 and 163.  129?  Really?  And 163?  Jeesh, that is thins dudes.  Maybe Jillian should weigh 87 pounds.  What a cow.

I'm gonna keep on keeping on.  Because "it is what it is".  BTW, that is favorite expression.  Let's say it again..."it is what it is".  And who can forget that great Lifehouse song..."It is what it is".  But what does "it is what it is" really mean?

A) A phrase that seems to simply state the obvious but actually implies helplessness.


B) A phrase that seems to simply state the obvious but actually means "it will be what it is," as in "it ain't gonna change, so deal with it or don't." See also tough shit, oh well, cry me a river and tfb.

example - I can't believe the price of gas! It is what it is.

example - It troubles me that you continue to put cyanide in my Yoohoo even after I've asked you to stop.  Hmm, it is what it is.  For Realz!

New I Phone

They announced the new I Phone today.  Woot Woot.  Nerd Nerd.

here is the Jailbreak code for the new one.  Just wrote it 17 minutes ago.

The new I Phone is sick.  Sick good...not sick bad.

I gotta run, busy busy night.  I will leave with a screen shot of my current I phone.  For Realz!

Sub 200

That's right hotties...the kid is under 200 and looking good.

I am running Dam to Dam this weekend.  With any luck my nipples will not bleed and I will have the speed.

Fast and skinny?  You better believe it.

I'm for realz!

What did I run?  I ran from home to the Bix turn and back.  That is 7.6 miles by my wrist watch calculator.  Bamm.